Episode 26: Hatoful Boyfriend – Everybirdie’s on Crack

Episode 26: Hatoful Boyfriend – Everybirdie’s on Crack
Platform: PS4, PS Vita, PC, OSX
Release Date: Hurtful Complete Edition: JP 10/30/11, World Wide 2/15/12. Remakes released World Wide on 9/4/14 and 7/21/15.
Difficulty: Ummm…some of the full endings can be tricky to get? It’s a visual novel, difficulty doesn’t really apply.
Pricing: $10

Podcast: Download, iTunes, PodOmatic

Terra:  HATOFUL BOYFRIEND WHAT  A GAME

Lightning:  Questions We Had While Playing Hatoful Boyfriend

whaaa
“Wha…” is the correct response to this game.

Terra:  HOW DO PIGEONS HOLD GUNS?

Lightning:  Don’t ask me. They developed opposable thumbs?

Terra:  Apparently, since they can also drive scooters.

Lightning:  Let’s not even go there. Do they have some kind of prosthetic leg so they can hit the brakes?

Terra:  Maybe they have hand breaks!

brakes*

Lightning:  You can spell.

Unlike this game.

Terra:  Hey, it’s designed for birds, by birds, what do you expect. Pigeons probably translated it.

Do pigeons build buildings? Or have they moved into places humans abandoned?

Lightning:  I saw some derelict skyscrapers in the game, so if they do, they don’t very well.

HOW DO PIGEONS USE COMPUTERS?

Terra:  WING TYPING

They peck with their beaks?

How do they cook?

Lightning:  They peck with their peckers? Uuuuuuuuuuugh, I went there…

Terra:  You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t.

How big are these pigeons supposed to be?

Lightning:  It sounded like regular bird size.

Terra:  Then how is the main character being threatened by birds? HOW DO YOU KILLED BY THE CREEPY DOCTOR IF HE IS NORMAL BIRD SIZED?

Lightning:  DON’T ASK ME HOW A PATRIDGE CAN MURDER A TEENAGER. SHE COULD PROBABLY STOMP ON HIM

And what does the bird gang do to kill you? Fly in your damn face?

Terra:  They don’t even seem to be flying at her!

Actually, I don’t think we see any of these birds fly.

Lightning:  Maybe she dies of fear.

From their mohawks.

Terra:  Ride scooters, go for hikes, swim…but no flying.

Lightning:  I said moHAWKS. Get it?

Terra:  Hahahaha

The flying thing is bothering me? Does the game ever reference the birds flying?

Lightning:  I think so…

Terra:  I’m not replaying it to find out.

Lightning:  But they don’t care. They love to swim.

Their wet feathers gets the main character hot and bothered, supposedly!

Terra:  There are screenshots to prove it!

swimming
We really can prove it.

Lightning:  I’m not replaying it either. Trophies are 100%. NO THANK YOU.

Terra:  Hatoful BF has served its purpose.

Lightning:  Its very shallow purpose,

Terra:  It kept us entertained for a few hours. And ruined the Nutcracker.

Lightning:  Argh, I’ll never enjoy the Nutcracker AGAIN.

Terra:  You’ll always think of the creepy murder Dr.

Lightning:  And I’ll start laughing hysterically if I hear Jingle Bells.

Terra:  Why did this game use so much Christmas music? Was it cheap?

Lightning:  Probably as cheap as this game. WHICH IS A GOOD THING.

Terra:  Final question then: Was this game worth ten bucks?

experiments
For the full effect, hum dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy while you look at this picture.

Music Credits:

RPG Roundup Theme Song: “Video Game Theme,” J. Arthur Keenes Band. Creative Commons Attribution License.
Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
Hatoful Boyfriend

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