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1. Final Fantasy XIV Part 1 – From the Eyes of Noobs / Review / PC, PS3, PS4 / Released 2013 / 1.26.2014

Come and revel at our noobness as we talk about our first brush with an MMO! This episode is the first of a two-parter, is MOSTLY spoiler free, and revolves around our experiences with the game up to about the first dungeon (which is actually supposed to be done around level 15). Also listen to us whine about snow, talk about trolls and odd people we have run into throughout our time in Eorzea, and discuss our so-called black market hippie crafting ring. Hey, whatever it takes to save money! We also review both the PC and PS3 versions. (Part 2)

2. Wild Arms – For a Few Gella More / Review / PS / Released 1996 / 2.16.2014

Early 32 bit polygonal hell awaits you if you take on the first installment of this long-running Sony staple, which is replete with deserts, twangy music, and mysterious weapons called ARMs. What’s with the medieval Wild West mash-up? WHY did nobody question the abrupt disappearance of one of the two major kingdoms in the world? And why oh why did the game developers treat us to the same two monsters in every dungeon? All of this will be answered…or at least discussed. Disclaimer: inconsistent sound quality throughout the episode, which made editing the stuff of nightmares (and why we recorded two weeks ago but are only posting this now). Try not to turn the volume up or your ears might bleed.

3. Secret of Mana – Help, I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up! / Review / SNES / Released 1993 / 4.4.2014

A lot of us played this game when we were kids. A lot of us also didn’t – but despite being 20 years old, Secret of Mana still holds up well as a solid title in the retro gaming scene. Is multiplayer really that good? What about some of the insane grinding that you must do in order to level up your weapons and magic? And why does Lighting slip in and out of this extremely awful British accent at times? All of this awaits you and more!

4. Star Ocean: Second Evolution – Fourscore and Seven Hundred Million Years Ago / Review / PSP / Released 2008 / 4.27.2014

It’s been one year since we started our first show with Star Ocean: First Departure! Ironically, we are celebrating this major milestone by discussing its sequel, also a PSP port and remake. In this installment, we dive into the problems of planet Expel, which is dealing with the disastrous arrival of an extraterrestrial device called the Sorcery Globe. Tsunamis, earthquakes, rabid beasts…you name it, it’s there – and it’s up to an Earth boy named Claude and a mysterious girl named Rena to sort it all out. We also do a light review on FFXIV’s PS4 version and how well it integrates with the PS4 hardware and accessories.

5. Tales of Xillia Part 2 – Bazonga Bonanza! / Review / PS3 / Released 2011 / 6.8.2014

A lot goes awry in this episode. Lightning harasses the final boss in a not OK sort of way. Terra has officially broken some kind of record regarding the number of “mmmm-hmmmms” in a single episode. Both of us eagerly await the sequel to this game and share what little tidbits we know. Also…you MUST listen to the episode all the way to the end! There are, uh, some very interesting things waiting for you there. (Part 1)

6. Xenogears Part 1 – Total S in the Gas Chamber / Review / PS / Released 1998 / 7.17.2014

Danger, Will Robinson! At last, we are playing Xenogears, and we have a lot to say about it so far! (We are not fans of this game.) The first of a two parter, with a sizeable discussion of other games in the beginning of the episode. Disclaimer: these are our own personal opinions, and we respect the fact that this is a well-lauded Square RPG.

Fei Fong Wong, like many RPG protagonists, is living happily in a small village, albeit with some major amnesia and absolutely no knowledge of his past. His world abruptly turns upside down, however, when he becomes embroiled in a war between two powerful nations replete with shadowy figures manipulating everything behind the scenes. Why does he have an affinity with these massive battle robots called Gears? What happened to him in the past, even if that past might involve stuff from 10,000 years ago? And who is this mysterious girl called Elly, whom he swears seems familiar somehow? Why is this all so confusing? Listen to find out! (Part 2)

7. Xenogears Part Two – Retro Bohemian Rhapsody / Review / PS / Released 1998 / 9.1.2014

At last! In our second installment of this two-parter, we finally finish what we started by discussing the game’s plot, villains, and game mechanics. The dreaded Disc 2 is discussed at length and with relish. Finally, the game is behind us and we can pick up the pieces and move on with our lives! Special bonus: we sound drunk, high, zombified…or something in our last segment. Maybe we were just tired. (Part 1)

8. Final Fantasy XIV Part 2 – Life After Level 15 / Review / PC, PS3, PS4 / Released 2013 / 10.15.2014

Recorded on 9/27 – we didn’t mean to stay away for so long, we swear! Today we discuss what it’s like to level up in FFXIV…and to hit the level 50 level cap long before actually finishing the game. Laugh at our noobness, revel in our fundraising efforts for personal housing, and hear us complain about The Hunt. Come for the MMO talk, STAY for the sheep noises! (Part 1)

9. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night – Creature of Chaos / Review / PS / Released 1997 / 11.30.2014

Like platformers and RPGs? Also like eating old, old pizza? Then join us for a discussion on Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, one of the most beloved and lauded games in the Castlevania series. In this installment, Alucard, the oh-so-cleverly-named son of Dracula, must search for the missing vampire hunter Richter Belmont and defeat his scheming dad, all while exploring the very appropriately-named “creature of chaos” (AKA Dracula’s castle).